Sometimes life can really suck some old car tires. A job you hate, a living situation isn’t ideal, or just generally being unhappy with how your life is right now. But small steps are possible. Nope. Even smaller.
I was an acting major in college and many of my classes focused on voice and movement, so every class started with a voice and body warm up. The body warm up was, on the whole, yoga based, ending in what’s called savasana, which is lying on your back on the floor whilst doing your best impression of a gingerbread man. During this time, we were also encouraged to enter into a mindful, meditative state, relaxing the mind and the body. To aid us in this, our professor would ask us to focus our attention on one part of our body at a time and try to make it 30% more comfortable. Just 30%. Not 100%, not even 50%. Just 30%.
When we’re upset or depressed or stressed or feeling hopeless, we can’t always think straight. All of our brain power is focused on these big emotions, so there’s less room for logic. Tasks big and small seem impossible to achieve when we feel like all we can do is just scrape by. That’s why I love using this tool. Because if someone were to tell you to cheer up, you can’t do that on the spot. That’s too much at one time, rude and invalidating (if you ask me), and if you’re dealing with a mental illness, you really can’t do that anyway. But attempting to make yourself 30% happier or more comfortable? Now that’s possible for anyone, anytime. And it’s absolutely reasonable to achieve right now, I promise. And sometimes that’s all you can do.
Make one or two attainable steps to make a small aspect of whatever moment you’re in better. That’s your 30%. That’s all you need to do. The first step is identifying small things (objects, actions, scents) that you like and always make you feel better. That could mean lighting a candle, washing your face, or making yourself a cup of tea. And the second is figuring out what from that list you need in that moment and then what’s possible in the situation you’re in. Most people can’t be whipping out a cozy blanket or taking a hot shower while they’re at work. (Unless you know of some workplace that allows this. In which case, tell me where it is and if they have any openings.) Then apply your 30%. If later you still need more, add another 30%.
I’m a big proponent of meeting people where they are. A lot of the world around us likes to preach that “pushing yourself harder” is always best practice and “smile until you’re happy” is a good way of approaching our emotions, and there is no way I can subscribe to that. People don’t change unless they want to. People don’t feel happy unless they are happy. It takes time and patience and understanding yourself and your needs. Some are faster at such things, but that doesn’t mean they are better than the people that need more time. And sure, there are occasions when pushing yourself is needed and when smiling while you’re upset can help, but it should by no means be a rule of life.
There is always a 30% way you can give yourself something comforting, whether you’re upset or not. Compliment someone, get a hug, drink a cold glass of water, clean a room, use a fun creamer in your coffee, watch videos of baby animals. Give yourself 30% more good in this next moment, so maybe you can help someone else get the 30% more they need tomorrow.